Hello Tune In 2 Lifers;
Last week we kicked off the discussion of “what we tell ourselves” (self-talk) and happiness.
We agree with Shawn Achor that success does not measure our happiness. Yet we do think that our happiness controls our successes.
Think about the last time you were unhappy. Did you feel successful? Did you approach life with an air of confidence? We are going that guess that you did not.
Here is why, we do not think you can feel depressed and confident (or even successful) at the same time. But we do think you can change your emotions.
Think about what was going on in your life the last time you were unhappy. What were you telling yourself? How much of your happiness was external and how much of it was internal?
No really think about it and be honest with yourself. No one is here to judge you.
Notice the last question was does not force you to put 100% of the “blame” in either the external or the internal. This is because rarely is the problem one or the other. Most likely the “problem” is an internal reaction to an external situation. Therefore, our gray matter chatter becomes very important. Right?
If our gray matter chatter automatically launches into a verbal assault, then we tend to let this external situation ruin our happiness.
On the other hand if our gray matter chatter automatically (or with some internal coaching), launches into a verbal list of solutions then we are able to separate the external situation from our internal happiness.
The point is that to maintain control over our emotions we must take control over our gray matter; because if we lose control over our thoughts we lose ourselves. There is no flat tire, no bill, no situation what-so-ever that will improve if we lose ourselves.
So when life’s sticky situations arise and the chatter starts shredding you apart, stop it in its tracks. Take control over the situation by asking “how can I solve this” and make your brain work on something other than habitual lectures.
Maintain your success by controlling your gray matter chatter so that it solves challenges rather than creating new ones.
We are sure that there have been moments when you surprised yourself with how well you dealt with a sticky situation. What were you telling yourself then? Chances are that your mood was so good that the negative chatter did not start. You just automatically asked “how can I make this work?,” and your brain started coming up with solutions that you acted upon.
This is what we mean when we say that happiness can create our success. At that moment you succeeded in solving your challenge while maintaining your happiness.
Furthermore we are convinced, that the happier you are the more successes you will experience. As a result, you will perpetuate a cycle of happiness and success.
So control your gray matter, and train yourself to react in a way that really matters!